Have you ever "Googled" yourself? I just did. Yo-ho. Wikipedia describes Fagin "(pronounced /ˈfeɪɡɪn/) [as] a fictional character who appears in the Charles Dickens novel Oliver Twist, referred to in the preface of the novel as a "receiver of stolen goods", but referred to more frequently within the actual story as the "merry old gentleman"...Born in London, Fagin is described as "disgusting" to look at."
Mwa ha ha ha ha. Yar.
Were you ever. Right down to the matted hair and the liver spots. Oh, the liver spots! And of course, the beard. Which in your case may have been a goatee? And yes, fake eyebrows.
Much like our friend, Alec Guinness. Yes, that's him. As Fagin. For REAL. So ugly it changed my font. And I can't change it back. Not with all the pixie dust in the world.
In your last, you brought up a long-buried memory. I am referring to the dreaded "adhesive-induced acne mustache" or, as you so aptly put it, mustacne. Yes, I remember it too clearly now. Raw and bumpy. Sticky. Because Spirit Gum is designed to adhere to the skin for no-less-than-but-not-limited-to-three-weeks-plus-one-ill-advised-trip-to-Baker's-Square. Yes, the Captain clearly remembers hustling off to the pie-house after a performance, eyebrows firmly glued to her head, the yellowish cast of spirit gum highlighting the bits of faux mustache and eyebrow still stuck all over her face. All to see a boy. A traumatized and freaked-out boy. A boy who was re-thinking things. "Reviewing the Situation", if you will. Moving on to greener, less manish pastures. Ah, young love! So reckless. So... useless.
But it was fun, wasn't it? Playing the villain, instead of Snow White (Captain Hook played her, too, but no one remembers that, do they?). Getting the laughs. Trying our best to sing like men and walk like men, and coming off more like this.
But with more hair. (Side note: Really, Paula?)
Let me splain. No, is too much. Let me sum up. Going to an all-girls high school and playing the male villains is an indelible part of our make-up. Maybe we learned valuable lessons about men that later prepared us for marriage?
Nah.
Maybe the heavy disguises allowed us to express ourselves with abandon. To be confident in our personalities and choices! To say to the world, "I am who I am, and who I am is as fabulous as Alec Guinness and Paula Abdul (REALLY, Paula?!?!).
Naaaaaaah.
I got nothing. It was weird. And it still haunts me. Like the crocodile with the ticking clock... always following. Always hungry. Speaking of which, peanut butter and jelly for breakfast is soooo not jolly. I'm off to make "suffin to eeeeeaaat" for Bert. And then go to the "pork". Hope your day with your rabble of boys is wicked awesome.
Yo-ho,
Captain Hook
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